


The Chemical Reactions of MY Heart

by Canada13



Series: The Chemical Reaction of the Heart [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-05-18 15:23:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 9,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14855304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canada13/pseuds/Canada13
Summary: The second installation of “The Chemical Reactions of the Heart”. It takes place four months after Reid’s murder. This will mostly be in Morgan’s POV but it will also have parts of each person of the team and how it impacted each of them. There will be a lot of flashbacks, Reid will be in the flashback chapters.





	1. !

**Author's Note:**

> This will be in Morgan's POV.  
> Please let me know if I messed anything up.

As soon as I woke up, I take the ring out and look at it. All I can think about is Spencer. I’m still in love with him and I still get upset some mornings when I wake up and he’s not there. I moved a lot of his stuff into my house. We had planned on moving in together. I was going to propose to him two weeks after we caught that bastard, Richard. I can’t get over the fact that my Spencer is dead and no one will pay the price for it, that bastard is dead. My heart is broken and I don’t know what to do.  
The alarm rang and I knew I had to get ready for work. I walked into the kitchen and started brewing my coffee and tied one of Spencer’s ties around my neck. I fill up my thermos and as I take a sip, I can see Spencer sipping his coffee and reading his book. I have to leave the house before I start crying again. I can’t cry today, this is my first day back and I need to have something to do other than miss Spencer. I can’t cry today.  
When I walk into work, I go straight to Hotch’s desk; I was unable to miss the stares and looks of sadness and empathy. When I got to Hotch’s office, I closed the door and he looked at me.  
“Reid used to do that when it was important. Is it important?”  
“I just didn’t want to see their looks. I--” I paused and looked at him, “you think of him too? It’s not just me?”  
“No, I miss him deeply. You know he was like my son and my actual son loved him. I didn’t have the heart to tell Jack that he died. He didn’t need more death in his life,” Hotch looked down sadly. There was a soft knock on the door before we heard Rossi’s voice:  
“Guys, we need you in the conference room, we have a new perp.” We both sighed at the same time and Hotch got up, we walked to the conference room and sat down. Time to get back into the swing of things.


	2. @

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to the person who Bookmarked: UnInconnue17  
> Shout out to the person who gave Kudos: Guest1  
> This is in Hotch's POV, the "*" are his thoughts.  
> I promise that these will get longer, I'm just testing the waters.  
> Please let me know if I mess anything up.

I was sitting in my office waiting for Morgan to come in. I was half hoping that he would call out. I did not think that four months was long enough. I would have gladly given him a year, but in the same breath, we need him back in action. I received a call from the hospital of all places.  
“Hello, is this SSA Hotchner?”  
“Yes, who am I speaking with?”  
“This is Doctor S. Montgomery. We have some big news,” Dr. Montgomery spoke softly.  
“What is it?”  
“Mr. McCarvarty has woken up from his coma. I assume you would like to speak with him. Throughout the next week I will send you all of his information and set up a time to see and talk to him.”  
“Thank you, Dr. Montgomery. I will be awaiting your information,” I hung up just as Morgan came in and shut the door. Reminds me of Reid. As we talked, Rossi spoke through the door and we got up and walked to the conference room.  
“Our next perp is in Los Angeles, he has been abducting new models and killing them after getting the ransom,” Garcia briefed the team.  
“We get on the plane in thirty minutes. Let’s go,” I spoke and stood. I got on the plane and looked over the file again, I wasn’t paying attention while Garcia talked, as terrible as that sounds. I was checking the people of interest when my phone went off, an email from Dr. Montgomery. He wanted to make sure that the email I gave him was correct and that because Richard was awake I needed to come to talk to him soon. He has not had any visitors and he doesn’t remember much. A bullet to the head and several to the body will do that to you. I know that the district attorney wants to proceed with the trials, but if Richard has forgotten everything, then we have an uphill battle to face. I got off the plane, I need to see this for myself. I can’t be sure that he isn’t faking just to get out of going to jail. I send a text to the team and let them know that I will meet them in Los Angeles after I take care of something personal.  
*I can’t let Morgan know, yet. I don’t know how far he is and I don’t want to set him back or make him angry. I have already seen myself when I was angry, Morgan could take me any day of the week, I didn’t want him knowing quite yet. I’ll tell him eventually.*  
I sighed and made my way to the hospital, there was no way that he could have forgotten everything. But, what if he did?


	3. #

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 95 views.  
> Shout out to the person that gave Kudos: Guest2  
> This is in Hotch's POV. It is much longer and I hope to make the rest of the chapters either this long or even longer.  
> Please let me know if I messed anything up.

When I got to the hospital, I walked up to the nurse’s station and asked to see Richard. After showing my badge I was told his alias and brought to his room. He had a private room with a man in a suit standing next to the door. I had no idea who this man was and he did not look like a cop, he dressed too nicely to be a cop.  
“Who--”  
“I am Roydan Russell. Rush for short. I am here to protect anyone from Mr. McCarvarty and to keep everyone safe from Mr. McCarvarty,” he explained, “I expect your full cooperation. You must leave all firearms with me and identification. You must not yell while in there, he is susceptible to headaches and his stitches will come undone if he starts to freak out. If his heart rate rises, you will be forced to leave. We cannot have him going back into a coma, the chances of him being able to come back are lower the second time around.”  
“Who do you work for?”  
“That’s none of your business. Where I work is not important to the problems at hand. You must understand that I cannot tell you everything, but you must deal with it. I will be in there with him as he is not in the right state of mind. My rules are from the doctors and my bosses, I expect you to understand them. We know everything that happened, but we will not hesitate to protect him, he cannot fall into another coma, do you understand?”  
“Yes, sir. I understand. My name is--”  
“I know. As I stated before we know everything. The buck does not stop here. You need to remember that we know everything. We always will,” he stated. He puts me on edge, I’m never on edge.  
I handed over all of my firearms and my identification and walked in. It was fishy, but if I wanted my guy, I would have to do what I needed to do. Walking, the room was dark, the only light coming in is from the window in the corner of the room. If I were not being led in, I would have missed Richard.  
“Mr. Carvarty? Are you awake?” I asked quietly, almost a whisper.  
“I am here,” his voice was shaky and raspy. He had his face covered with a cloth, keeping the small amount of light coming into the room.  
“Would you like to talk to me? I am SSA Aaron Hotchner and I am here to ask you a few questions. We will be doing this every two weeks until you remember everything. Are you okay with this? Are you okay with me recording this?”  
“Yes, yes I am okay with the recording. I want to remember,” he rasped out. I felt bad, he was laying in his hospital bed just wondering what was happening around him. He was surrounded by darkness in his head and then when he opened his eyes, he still needed the darkness.  
“Alright. Do you remember anything from before the shooting?” I wanted to make sure he knew he shot himself in the head and was not shot in the head by police.  
“I remember the shot, I held the gun to my temple and I held Reid to the other side of my head, I also remember pulling the trigger,” his heart rate started to go up and he started to cry,” I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to kill Reid. I just wanted him. I didn’t want him to press charges”.  
He was crying heavily and he was touching the cloth over his eyes.  
“Okay. I think that’s enough for today and I’m going to see you again in two weeks. Thank you for your help,” I explained and stood up. After looking at Mr. Russell, I was escorted out.  
“Thank you for listening to my rules. Will you come back every two weeks and talk about the case only or everything? Every week a psychologist will talk to him about his childhood.”  
“If he wants to talk about I will talk about it with him, but he needs to have knowledge about his case. He can’t go to trial for what he has done. He needs to be brought to justice. I am sorry for what happened, but evil is evil. When will he be able to look me in the eye?”  
“It depends on whether or not his brain is able to handle the light. The doctors hate to keep him in the dark but they want to be sure that his brain will be able to handle it. It should be soon hopefully, they are planning on trying either tomorrow or Friday.”  
“Thank you for your help, but I need to get another killer off the streets. I will be back in two weeks. Will you let me know what happens when I return every time, please?”  
“Of course. I will see you in two weeks,” with that I left the hospital and made my way to the team in Los Angeles. This was going to be a big secret.


	4. $

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 111 views.  
> This is in Garcia's POV.  
> Please let me know if I messed anything up.

“Baby girl?” I turned and looked at Morgan. I had been going with the team since Reid’s passing. The whole team had to take time off, seeing as everything happened in front of us. Morgan was the last to return and we are all catching up on work right now. I’m still not over Spencer’s death. When I first returned, I would space out thinking about all the good times we had together and, after the sixth time, I was told that I either join the team on every trip or be fired. It was hard in the beginning, but I’m almost back to my original self. I’m only in space every once in a while now.  
“Baby girl, are you with us?” I blinked, looking at Morgan again.  
“I’m here. What happened? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to leave,” I explained and played with the rings on my left hand.  
“It’s okay. We need you to look into this,” he handed me a folder full of leads, “you were thinking about him again, weren’t you?”  
“Yes, I really miss him. I want him back.”  
“It’s okay, I miss him a lot too. I just want him to come back, I had so many things to talk to him about and to ask him,” he looked down and wiped his face, “I’m sorry, I have to go.”  
I watched him as he walked away. Usually, Reid would go after him and rub his back as he talked to him about whatever was on his mind. There’s no one t help him with that. It’s been four months. Four months without Reid, four months without love. It’s been four months and I don’t know if we will ever get the real Morgan back. I sighed and started sifting through the folder. We were trying to arrest three men. These three men named William Marton, George Moore, and Nathan Jackson had committed four home invasions, five rapes, and fourteen murders. How so many people have died, without these men getting caught shocks me. It’s frightening, how did this happen? Why would this happen?  
I continued going through the file and searching for these men. The last time anyone saw these men was two weeks ago when Robert WHite, Max Roberts, Max Adams, and Charlotte Phillips were murdered. They should be hitting a new house soon and it’s our job to prevent that. These men are good, I can’t find anything about them. Having to start from each of their lives from the beginning and getting stuck in many places. I have to call Hotch, he has to know more about these people.  
“These three have known about each other for a long time, they were in a foster home together and were separated for fighting with their foster siblings. These three have been making trouble since they were children. William was in jail for five years for rape, George was suspected in a double murder but there was never enough to charge him, and Nathan was perfect after being separated from the others. He was most likely pressured by the other two. Did you guys find anything else?” I asked the team after Hotch put me on speaker phone.  
“Nathan is the only one that left fingerprints at any of the scenes. There was no reason for them to meet again, can you try and find out why they ever met up again?” Rossi asked.  
“Maybe they ended up getting the same jobs and recognized each other, the rest is history. We need to find Nathan, he’ll help us. He’s the weak link,” JJ added.  
“Okay, I’ll try my best. Garcia out,” I hung up and started searching again.


	5. %

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 126 views.  
> Shout out to those who gave Kudos: peraltiago0101 and Guest2.  
> This is in Morgan's and Hotch's POV.  
> Please let me know if I messed anything up.

*Morgan’s POV*  
It was too late to continue looking and Hotch sent us to our rooms. I pulled out the ring and looked at it. I would never know a lot of things. I would never know what size his hand was, I wouldn’t know if he would have accepted my proposal, or if we would ever end up having kids. I always wanted to adopt, I like to think that Spencer would love to adopt, there would be a better chance for the child to not have schizophrenia. He would have been a great father, I wish we could have been together longer. I laid down before heading to bed.  
*When I wake up, I am going to start searching for anything related to Reid. I don’t want to believe that he’s dead. Maybe he had a sibling, but I need to look around.*  
When I awoke, I was met by Hotch he asked me to get the team coffee and I was assigned to work with Garcia today. I think he still doesn’t want completely in the field. I can understand that, but he needs to calm down; I’m fine and I’ve been cleared. I’m lucky that I was even allowed to come back to work.  
I started walking to the Dunkin Donuts about three blocks away, I hit the early morning bustle and I just knew that I would be in line forever. I decided to order on my cell and walk around until it was ready to be picked up. I looked across the street and saw Spencer. It wasn’t my imagination either and the issue with that is the fact that Spencer is dead. I crossed the street and followed Spencer down the road.  
“Spencer! Wait up, I need to talk to you Spencer!” I ran to him and grabbed his shoulder. He looked at me with tears in his eyes.  
“You can’t keep looking for me. I’m dead. You know I’m dead and you know you have to drop it. They won’t let you get to me. You need to either drop the case or drop off the face of the Earth. They will get you if you don’t stop. Please stop. I love you, but I need you to leave this alone,” he gave me a kiss. I was teary-eyed and kissed him back before he pulled away and turned around, walking away.  
I woke up slowly in bed. I was covered in sweat and panting heavily. I was frozen to the bed and I couldn’t do anything. I hadn’t had sleep paralysis since Spencer had passed. The only thing I knew I needed to do, I had to keep looking. There was no way that a dream could ever come true, right?  
After I had calmed down, I tried to go back to bed, but before I knew it, 6 am was here and my alarm went off.

*Hotch’s POV*  
I woke up at about 6:30 and walked to Morgan’s room. I knocked and waited for him to answer the door. I had to wait for fifteen minutes before Morgan finally answered the door.  
“Hello?”  
“Morgan, did you just wake up? We have to start looking soon, the team is meeting up at seven, can you get us coffee, please?” I asked. The look he gave me, it was scary. It looked like he thought I had two heads, “Are you okay, Morgan?”  
“Yes, sorry. I just...never mind, I’ll get the coffee.”  
I nodded and walked to the lobby to meet with the team, I assumed organ would be back, but in the same breath, I was frightened and hoped he wouldn’t bug out on us. Rossi was the first to come down of the group and sat next to me with a blueberry muffin.  
“How was your sleep?” I asked, I hoped that he had seen Morgan, he didn’t follow me down and I hadn’t seen him since.  
“I slept okay. Are you worrying about Morgan? He came down right after me and he left while I was getting my muffin. Is he getting coffee? You think he’ll get one for Reid?” I nodded quietly and waited for the rest of the team to descend.  
“I’m going to have Morgan stay with Garcia today.”  
Today was going to be a long day.


	6. ^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 150 views.  
> This is in Morgan's POV.  
> Please let me know if I messed up.

I sat, drinking my coffee, watching over Garcia. I was asked to work with Garcia and I’m very thankful for that. I need her help, but I have to wait for the right time. I want to look into Reid’s past and I want to talk to any other family he may have.  
It was a few hours before the team wasn’t asking for things from Garcia. She was playing with one of her trinkets and sighed, looking over at me. I opened my mouth to speak, but she beat me to it.  
“Do you ever think about what would have happened if he wasn’t standing where he was?”  
“Yes. I think about what would have happened if I had seen it or if I would have somehow been able to get him out of harm’s way”  
“Do you miss him?” She paused for a minute, “That’s a stupid question, of course, you miss him.”  
“Don’t worry. It’s not a stupid question. I do miss him, more than I ever could have thought. I miss him from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. Halloween is next week and seeing all the kids dressed up in devil costumes will always remind me of the conversation he had with me, it was really with himself, about how demons and devils don’t really look like that. I can’t even remember the whole conversation, but I do remember the look on his face when he goes on one of his quips. He would light up when he could make connections outside of work. Being with him was the best six months of my life. It seems so short, but we were also working together before that.”  
“I miss him too. I miss his eyes, I remember when he would be working with me in his early days, he would be sitting behind me reading off what I needed to look for any leads that I needed to follow,” she laughed and resumed, “I remember, vividly, when he was anxious to get out in the field and would read my emails before I could even glance at them. At that point, I think Hotch knew he was ready.”  
There was a beat of silence before she looked at me again.  
“He was with me that day, why didn’t I ask him to grab something for me? I could have prevented this.”  
“Baby girl, I think we were all hit hard with ‘what ifs’. We were all there, we were just watching as it all happened so fast. Hotch couldn’t even get there, he’s the fastest thinker of us all, including Reid. Reid may have been book smart, but Hotch is street smart, he’s the one to think on his feet. He’s like the ‘Dad’ of the group, for lack of better term. So, don’t go on thinking that this is your fault, the only one to hold this against is Richard McCavarty,” Garcia wiped her eyes and turned to her computers. I could see a framed picture of Reid on her desk, he looked so young and prepared. Nothing could have prepared anyone of us for this.  
“You’re right. I shouldn’t be thinking like that. I should get back to work. ARe there any other leads I should be looking into?” She asked, back to her normal self, or as normal as she could be after that talk.  
“Actually, could you look into Reid’s background? I want to know if he had any siblings or something. I just want to talk to someone who was in his life besides us and his mother.”  
She was quiet for a minute before typing away at her computer. I knew that if anyone could find anything relating to Reid, it would be her.  
~  
Hotch had Nathan Jackson in handcuffs. He was walking into an interrogation room. JJ and Rossi were hauling in William Marton and George Moore respectively. Nathan must have confessed, we would never have gotten the others without him.  
We were on the plane and back in Quantico within four hours. We were discharged and once again I found myself on my bed, looking at the ring before laying down and reading Spencer’s favourite book, The Chemical Reactions of the Heart. Not once did I ever regret giving this to him.


	7. &

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 172 views.  
> Shout out to the person who gave Kudos: Guest3.  
> Shout out to the person who lets me know that they are enjoying what I'm doing through the comments they leave. Thank you UnInconnue17.  
> Shout out à la personne qui me fait savoir qu'ils apprécient ce que je fais à travers les commentaires qu'ils quittent. Merci UnInconnue17.  
> This is in JJ's POV.  
> Please let me know if I messed anything up.

Henry had jumped on the bed waking myself and Will up. Will’s smile was always large first thing in the morning and I still couldn’t find it in myself to smile yet. Spence was my best friend, he meant a lot to my family.  
“Daddy, you have to wake up. It’s time to get ready! The parade is today!” Henry’s little voice rang out. How he was able to be so awake so early was unknown to me.  
“Okay buddy, wait. Let me get up.”  
I watched Henry and for the life of me, I swear I saw Reid. It was a different feeling and I was shocked. Shaking my head I got up and started getting ready for work. The Halloween parade was today, the kids went in early and were able to leave right after the parade. Henry was extremely happy to be out of school. He was allowed to start trick or treating early and he was allowed to stay out late. I only hoped that I would be able to make it home in time to see Henry’s costume, he wouldn’t let me see it yet. He was really excited this time. I smiled to myself before Henry was practically pushing me to go to work so he could get ready for the day.  
We were all at our desks filling out paperwork, the sound of keyboards tapping and the occasional phone ring is about as crazy as the day is for us. Will calls me and lets me know that they are on their way to see everyone before starting trick or treating. I couldn’t wait to see his costume choice. Will walked in first and walked over to me.  
“Hey, I just want you to know that this was Henry’s choice. He said he wanted to surprise his favourite profiler. Just please don’t cry,” he explained before Henry came over to me as well. He was dressed just like Reid. He was a little doppelganger with long hair instead of short. I took his hand and walked him to the conference room where Morgan and Rossi were.  
“Hey, guys, Henry’s here!” I exclaimed.  
“Great, what did he end up being?” Rossi asked.  
“Just like Mommy.”  
“He wants to be a profiler?” Morgan asks.  
“Ah, he wants to be his favourite profiler. Morgan, I have to warn you specifically, you may not want to see this,” I explained, “Henry, come in and show them.”  
Henry walked in, smiling largely, he runs up to Morgan and Rossi. Morgan’s face was one of happiness, I think that he was happy to see Reid once again; even if he is not the real Reid. Morgan hugged Henry tightly, he picked him up and walked him to Reid’s desk.  
“Here, put this on. It’ll make it official,” Morgan put him down and clipped Reid’s badge to Henry. He stood up, covering his eyes.  
“Morgan, are you--”  
“Mommy, where is Spence?” Henry asked and Morgan had to leave the room, we hadn’t told Henry anything.  
“He’s still undercover, I’ll show him all the pictures. Okay, H?” He nodded and returned to Will. We said our goodbyes and everyone went back to work. I hope that I didn’t make anything worse for Morgan.


	8. *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 200 views.  
> This is in Morgan's and Hotch's point of views.  
> Comments are always appreciated.  
> Please let me know if I messed anything up.

*Morgan’s POV*  
I had to walk away after what Henry said. I can’t believe that JJ didn’t tell him. I shouldn’t say that we wouldn’t be able to understand. I sighed, running my hands through my hair and walked back to the group.  
“Sorry, JJ. I still can’t handle it. I’m really sorry. He really does look like Reid. It’s kind of weird,” I laughed lightly and looked at JJ.  
“It’s okay, Morgan. I plan to tell him if he keeps talking about him. When he’s a little bit older, he’ll understand. At least I hope that he will,” she smiled quietly and clapped her hands.  
“Let’s get back to work so I can get home early and go trick or treating with my son,” she walked away, to get back to work apparently. I smiled and followed her orders. I couldn’t wait until tomorrow, 75% off all candy. I chuckled and went to my desk. After printing an outline, I walked to Garcia’s desk. What I had planned was going to take a while. I only hope that Hotch doesn’t catch us.  
*Hotch’s POV*  
I walked to Richard’s Room where Roydan was nowhere to be found. I looked into the room and saw that Richard was gone too. Panic started to set in before Roydan walked up to me. I sighed in relief.  
“I thought he had somehow remembered everything and ran away. Where is he?”  
“He’s in a CT scan. They would do an MRI, but there are bullet fragments in his brain still. He’ll be out shortly and you can talk to him then. I’ll need your things,” I nodded and handed my things to him. He was weird. He was cold and distant.  
“Can I talk to you while we wait?”  
“It depends. What are we going to talk about?”  
“I want to ask you questions if that’s okay. You don’t need to answer them, but I would like to ask them,” he nodded and I listed off the questions.  
“What do you do for a living? “  
“I am in charge of looking after Mr. McCarvarty, that is all you need to know.”  
“Did you go to college?”  
“No, I went right to work after highschool.I’ve been planning on returning to my education.”  
“Were you ever in the military?”  
“No, there was no reason for me to do so.”  
“Do you trust me?”  
“It is not my job to trust you. It is your job to trust me and hope that you don’t mess up. If you mess anything up, it’ll be my head and then I’ll have to kill you.”  
“Do you trust Richard?”  
“That man is an abductor and rapist. You can’t trust that kind of person. I only hope that he remembers everything and ends up in jail.”  
“Do you work for the government as well?”  
“Like I said, I will not talk about my work. It’s confidential and I don’t want to be fired. It is none of your business so please respect my wishes and drop it.”  
“Why do you only wear suits?”  
“They are comfortable. Why do you only wear suits?”  
“I work for the government, my suits are mandatory. How long have you been with Richard?”  
“It’s been a few months and it’s been hard. He can’t do much by himself. He only started being able to look into the light. The fluorescence is hard on his eyes, but sunlight is able to be let into the room. His other therapist says he’s making great progress. She is wary of you though, she does not want to have him remember things too quickly. Please take that into account while you are interrogating him.”  
“I am not interrogating him. I’m trying to help him remember. What he did was terrible, he does not deserve to get away with it. Is that body really Richard?”  
“Of course it’s Richard. Who else could it be?”  
“Was Richard dead and brought back to life?”  
“All I know is what his records say. There is nothing in there about him dying.”  
“Why doesn’t he look me in the eye?”  
“It’s hard for him to focus. Being shot in the head does that to you,” I nodded, satisfied for the time being. As if on cue, Richard was being wheeled into his room. Once inside the room, he took off the cloth that was covering his eyes two weeks ago. He looked calmer. He was the real Richard. His profile was the same, the only difference I saw in him at all was that he didn’t have his thick hair above his head. With Roydan’s permission, I walked into the room and quietly introduced myself again.  
“I remember you, SSA Hotchner. I remember our last conversation as well. I know I shot myself in the head. Can I ask you questions?”  
“Of course, that’s why I’m here.”  
“Do you know why I shot myself?”  
“Yes, you shot yourself because of the things you did. You were in a police station when you shot yourself. Do you remember why you were in the police station?” He paused for a minute.  
“I remember Reid and he was standing in front of me. I grabbed the gun from the cop and ran over. I shot myself and him too. I don’t remember why I was in the police department.”  
“Do you remember the last time you were with Reid? Before shooting him I mean.”  
“We were together. We were together when I had him. I remember cutting him. I did a lot to him while he was with me. The issue with that is that I couldn’t keep him. Someone came into the house and punched me in the face before taking my Reid from me. He was mine, he was not for that person to take,” I stared at him. He really did remember but, what is worse, I could see the possessiveness of Richard. He was obsessed with Reid.  
“What were you doing while you were cutting him?”  
“I was fucking him, but he kept screaming. To be fair, if the guy hadn’t broken in, I would have killed Reid. I was planning on it if he screamed when that guy showed up.”  
“You talk about ‘that guy’, his name is Derek Morgan. He was Reid’s Boyfriend.”  
“Reid had a boyfriend? Why didn’t he tell me?”  
“He wasn’t obliged to tell you anything. You abducted and raped him. It is your fault that he didn’t tell you anything. Do you remember everything now?”  
“Yes, I always remembered everything. Now, that you know you’ll have to take me to trial, but I won’t be sent to jail.”  
“Why not?”  
“Because I’m still recovering. The jury won’t convict a sick man,” I was shocked and stood.  
“I need to leave, you’re disrespecting my friend and coworker,” I walked out and walked to my car after collecting my things from Roydan. I sat in my car and played back the tape recording. Knowing that I got his confession and him saying that there is no way that he will be able to be convicted should help in the case. I just hope that the district attorney doesn’t need anymore. All that is left is for Richard to heal up and be cleared for trial.  
After dropping off the tape to the DA, after making a copy, and head back to work. I hope no one asks questions and their work is done. I need to get finished early to go trick or treating with Jack.


	9. (

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 247 views.  
> Shout out to those who gave Kudos: UnInconnue17, peraltiago0101, and Guest 4.  
> Shout out to the person who bookmarked: UnInconnue17.  
> This is in Garcia's and Morgan's points of view.  
> The book will start to pick up in the next chapter.  
> Please let me know if I messed anything up.

*Garcia’s POV*  
I had been searching for anything related to Reid since Morgan had asked me. A lot has been happening, I can’t find any information on him. The only thing I can find on him is his death certificate. There is nothing out there. I don’t understand.  
“Hey Garcia, have you been able to find anything?” Morgan asked. I turned to him and shook my head.  
“No, in fact, I can’t find anything. It’s like everything about him has been cleared. All that is left is his death certificate. This is weird.”  
“That’s weird. That’s not normal. Have you been able to find out anything about his mother?”  
“No, nothing has come up at all. I don’t understand why this is happening.”  
“Why what is happening? Is everything okay with your computers, Garcia?” It was Hotch. He looked upset at us, “What are you two doing?”  
“We’re looking for information on Reid. We want to know more about him,” I tried to explain.  
“It’s not Garcia’s fault, it’s mine. I asked her to do it. I just wanted to know about his family and if there was anyone I could talk to,” Morgan said. Hotch still didn’t look happy.  
“You two have no idea what you have just done. You are not to look into Reid again. If you disobey me, I’ll be forced to fire you both,” he stormed out and I got out of all the tabs I had open.  
“I have to look. Why would he prevent me from looking? He knows how important Reid is to me. He has never acted like this before. He’s hiding something.”  
“Morgan, don’t be crazy. He wouldn’t hide anything from us.”

*Morgan’s POV*  
I was driving home after work, there were barely any people on the road, but this one car was following me. Maybe it wasn’t, maybe it was just me, but every time I would change lanes, they would too. I took the wrong exit on purpose and made a U-turn and they made it with me. I called Hotch quickly.  
“SSA Hotchner.”  
“Hotch, it’s Morgan and there are people following me. What am I supposed to do, I don’t remember from the academy.”  
“Calm down, I’ll talk you through it, just try to act like you don’t know you are being followed. And Morgan?”  
“Yes?”  
“DOn’t go home. Or to Reid’s. They will be able to find you there. Try to go somewhere public. I think I have an idea of who these people are.”  
“Who are they?”  
“You have to come back to the office. I’m going to need to talk to everyone. I have a lot of suspicions,” I drove back to the office and got out of my car. Before I could get into the building the men grabbed me, one hand from each on my shoulders.  
“What do you guys want?”  
“We need to talk to you. Let us in the building, we need to talk to the group. We would like to do this calmly and professionally,” they explained. I paused before letting them into the building. There were only two of them, one redhead and one blonde. The redhead was at least 6’5” and the blonde was 6’1”. They were clad in suits, red and blue. They walked right into the office, they most likely didn’t need my help to get into the building. Hotch was standing next to my desk and looked up as the three of us walked in.  
“Why did you let them in?”  
“They want to talk to the team, you need to get everyone here. Now,” the men stated before walking around the room, “we have a lot to talk to you about. We were told to get everyone and bring you back to our base to talk. We need to make sure that you are the only people who know this.”  
Hotch and I looked at each other and we started calling everyone. After about thirty minutes everyone had shown up. We were escorted to the car that was following me and another car they must have called in. Once getting to their “base”, as they explained, we were sat down next to each other.  
“We have a lot to say, but because you are all insane and wouldn’t let the past stay in the past, we need to break the rules to tell you. We can’t risk you finding out yourselves and we can’t kill you because you work for the government. We can’t explain a whole team missing without raising suspicion. Everything you are about to hear and see is to not leave this room. You need to sign these papers, they state that you are not to speak of what is seen here,” they handed out the papers and we each read them over. I signed my name and waited for the others to finish. They looked over each of the papers and made sure we all signed them correctly.  
“What are you trying to tell us?” Hotch asked.  
“Well, it’s about Dr. Spencer Reid,” The room froze.


	10. !)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 295 reads.  
> Shout out to the person who gave Kudos: Guest5.  
> There are two points of view. Sorry for the shortness, I promise to make it up to you guys.  
> Please let me know if I messed anything up.

*Morgan’s POV*  
Allegedly, Reid was still alive. Well, he was in a coma-like state and he has said my name many, many times. The men in charge of watching over him, Mr. Bill Allit and Mr. Vito Crowder. They wanted him to be able to see me when he woke up, but their boss had always decided against it. He finally agreed when he found out that I was searching for him. I was ready to see my baby and hold his hand for the first time in months. I really missed him and I really needed to see him. After being told that the love of my life was not only in a coma-like state but the government, the people I work for, were hiding it from me. I was livid, but if I freaked out on them, they would most likely take any chance I had talking to Spencer away from me. To say the least, I was upset.  
The group was taken to a different room in the “headquarters”. I looked through the window and saw Reid sitting up in the bed. A nurse was moving his body parts and making sure he wasn’t stiff. The scariest part was that he was looking straight at me. His eyes looked milky and it sent shivers down my spine, I only hoped that my Spencer was in there somewhere. Mr. Crowder opened the door and motioned us to walk in. We were all quiet. I sat at the side of the bed and looked at Spencer, he was looking at me, I know he didn’t see me, but I was glad his eyes were open at least.  
I slowly grabbed for his hand, his hand jumped and I held on tighter. The issue with that is his motions were from the coma. It happens a lot with people in comas. I brought his hand up to my lips and kissed his hand. The beeping of his heart monitor stopped for a second and then started again. I felt the tears in my eyes and let them fall. I stood up and wiped my face.  
“I’m not the answer. He isn’t waking up, you need someone else to do it.”  
“Derek, it’s not ever going to be that easy. It takes time. He was shot in the head. It takes a lot for a person with a concussion to sit up and move around, a bullet to the brain is two thousand times harder. You need to calm down, sit with him, and wait for him. He’s strong, he’ll make it out of this. I just know it,” Hotch encouraged me. I slowly sat back down with him and held his hand again. All I could do now was wait for him to wake up without milky eyes. I kissed his hand again, rubbing my thumb over his knuckles. All I could do was wait, so I waited.

*Reid’s POV*  
*I’m very cold. I don’t know how I got here or how I was supposed to get out. It’s pitch black in here, dark enough for me to not be able to see my hands. I think I’m in a coma. I’m inside my own head; I see a lot of Morgan here. I miss Morgan. I wonder what would have happened if we got married…*  
I stopped all thought. I could smell Derek’s cologne, I had to calm down before anything else. I needed him to hold my hand. I tried to move, but my body felt like one hundred pounds. After what felt like five years, my hand moved, it jumped. I was able to do it. I want to get up and hug him. I miss him so much. Please let me wake up. I want to see him, he has no idea how lonely I have been.


	11. !!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the 345 views.  
> Shout out to those who gave Kudos: Seralein and alixcharmed.  
> This is in Morgan and Reid's points of view.  
> Please let me know if I messed anything up.

*Reid’s POV*  
I was jumping in place hoping that my eyes would open. It’s been ages and I can’t wake up. I wonder how long I’ve been in here. I really just want to see Derek. I need his help, I want him...I miss him too much.

*Morgan’s POV*  
It’s been two hours and I can’t stand waiting. I want my Spencer back. I’ve missed him for months, I can’t handle the separation, I’ve waited far too long for him to stay in a coma for any longer. I was getting desperate and checking my phone for the time every five seconds. The issue is that time goes by much slower when I’m watching it. I touched Spencer’s face and squeezed his face.  
“Wake up. I can’t wait for you any longer. Please wake up, I can’t handle being this close to you but not being able to talk to you. You need to open your eyes and talk to me,” I let go of his face and walked around the room as I continued to rant.

*Reid’s POV*  
It was quiet, so quiet that I was going to go mad. I tried to listen to anything going on wherever I was. Derek is here, I can smell his cologne. I could feel his anger, he’s mad at something, I can feel it coming off of him. He was ranting, telling me to open my eyes and talk to him. I tried to open my eyes.  
It was bright in here, not too bright and I quickly flicked my eyes around. I thought I was dreaming until I saw Derek, he was walking around, pacing and ranting. I couldn’t really hear him, but I could see him. I tried to sit up, but the room started to spin. I stopped trying and waited for Derek to realize I was awake and ready to talk to him.

*Morgan’s POV*  
“You are awake,” I walked over quickly to Spencer. I grabbed his hand and sandwiched it between mine. I stared at him before realizing that he might not remember me. Six months is a long time to be in a coma, “Do you know who I am?”  
He looked at me for a minute before smiling and hugging me. He took a big whiff of my cologne and pulled away.  
“Yes, I know you. You look different, though,” he grabbed my chin and rubbed his fingertips.  
“I grew out my beard, you always loved the stubble,” I smiled and kissed his hands and then his nose and finally his mouth. He giggled after kissing me back.  
“What’s so funny?”  
“I don’t know. You haven’t changed and I’ve missed you so much and I’m just happy that I get to see you again.”  
“The rest of the team is going to be so excited that you woke up and that you remember!” I quickly sent a text to Hotch.  
“What do you mean ‘the rest of the team’?”  
“You’re joking, right? Hotch, JJ, Garcia, and Rossi are waiting for you to wake up.”  
“Who are you talking about, Derek?” I had to look up from my phone, he was looking back at me completely lost.  
*I still don’t have my Reid back,*  
“Please tell me you are joking…”  
“I’m not joking, who are the people you are talking about?” I stared at him and texted Hotch again to hurry up and help me explain everything. I texted everyone and tried to make a plan so everyone could have time to explain to Spencer who they were and how he knows them.  
“Spence, what do you remember?”  
“I remember you and my childhood. I remember graduating high school and college. I remember meeting you.”  
“Do you know what happened to you?”  
“No, but I remember you. We’ve been dating for a long time, right? Are we engaged?”  
“No, not yet,” Hotch walked into the room and walked over to us.  
“Hey, Reid. Do you remember me?”  
“No. ARe you a doctor or something?” Hotch looked at me then sat down next to Spencer.  
“I’m your boss. Would you like to get to know me and the team? I can set it up so you can meet them all and we’ll tell you about everything that you forget. Morgan tells me that you remember the first meeting you had. Would you like me to tell you about everything that you have missed out on with me?”  
“I wouldn’t mind trying to remember everything. I have a lot of questions and I would like to meet everyone. I want to sit down with everyone and talk to them and see them and reminisce. Is that okay?”  
“You don’t have to keep asking Spencer. If you want something ask for it. I have a question for you,” I asked him.  
“What?”  
“How old are you?”  
“I’m 23”


	12. !@

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. Sorry for being AWOL. Thank you for sticking with me.  
> Thank you for the 477 views.  
> This is in Morgan's and Reid's points of view.  
> Please let me know if I messed anything up.

*Morgan’s POV*  
“You are 26 years old, Spencer. Do you not remember the birthdays we shared together?” Hotch asked.  
“No, I don’t. I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be sorry. I didn’t realize how much you forgot. I want to talk to you today and then again next week and we’ll figure out when everyone else can come over and talk to you and tell you everything you need to know.”  
“Wait, how do you know that we are in a relationship if you are only 23?”  
“I don’t know, Derek. The brain works in weird ways, we still don’t know a lot about it. I liked you when we first started talking and our friendship grew. I remember you. I don’t know why you are the only one I remember, but everything else is fuzzy. I really missed you while I was in my coma. When do I get to go home?”  
“You can go home when the government says so. Although, I do believe that you may never be allowed to come ‘home’. They erased everything about you and a lot of people think that you are dead, your mother included,” Hotch explained.  
“I was the one who told her. She did not know who I was and she took it terribly. I thought she deserved to know. I think you were the only person she remembered through everything,” Reid’s eyes were watering and he looked away from us.  
“I just want to go home.”  
Hotch and I left after a few more hours of talking. Hotch left to talk with Mr. Bill Allit about seeing Jack and his sister-in-law. I watched Spencer from the door.  
“Before I forget, I got some books for you, Spencer,” I handed him a few books and put down the other twenty or so books on the table next to him. I pulled up a chair and looked at the book I handed him.  
“‘The Chemical Reactions of the Heart’ I remember this one. You gave this to me for Christmas.”  
“You finished it months ago and, while you were sleeping, I read and finished it. I thought it would help, but it only made me miss you more,” I paused and hugged him while he was awake. I didn’t realize how much I missed him until I was unable to have him, “Spencer...I want to talk to you. It’s about work. I don’t want you to go back.”  
“Why Derek? I’m not going to get hurt again and besides, I’m not going to be able to go to work for a long while. Why don’t we have this talk at a later date? I want to see the rest of the team.”  
“Who do you want to see next? Garcia, JJ, or Rossi?”  
“Let’s see Garcia first and go down the list that way. When is she coming?”  
“I’ll go get her now,” I stood and retrieved Garcia after letting her know about Reid’s memory.

*Reid’s POV*  
I sat patiently and tried to remember my friends and coworkers. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to know what happened to me. Why am I even here? I missed so much. I picked up The Chemical Reactions of the Heart and started reading it. I read the note written in Morgan’s handwriting, it made me smile. I made it halfway to the second chapter before Garcia came in slowly.  
“Hey, Reid. Morgan’s outside, do you want him in here?”  
“No, it’s okay. Did he tell you everything? About my memories and whatnot?”  
“Yes, he did. Do you want me to help you out? What do you want to know?” I stared at Garcia. I wanted everything. I wanted to remember all the good times and I want to remember all of the times we laughed together and all of the times we cried together. Garcia looked familiar but I couldn’t remember anything about her.  
“I want to know everything. Start at the beginning. I want to remember everything. I want to have new memories with you and the rest of the team.”  
“Okay. Well, when we first met I didn’t realize that you were so smart. I asked you for coffee and Hotch explained to me how much you knew and I didn’t realize that you were a part of the team. I really thought you were an intern or something since you looked like you were ten,” she giggled and looked down at her ring-covered hands, “I’ve missed you, Reid.”  
We shared a hug and continued to talk through the next few hours. Morgan had come into the room with lunch, placing it in front of me. I ate slowly as Morgan sat down, Garcia was laughing at something she had said.  
“Are you going to come back to work once you’re all better?”  
“Morgan told me that he doesn’t want me working at the BAU anymore. I can’t help but to agree with him if I did end up working there still, I’d have to be on desk duty.”  
“I don’t even want you on desk duty. I want you to be at home,” Morgan was really adamant on me not working.  
“What’s the matter with you? Why do you want me to stay home?”  
“I don’t want you getting hurt again! You’ve been in the hospital quite a few times in the last year, all of which are because of work. I want you to be at home. I don’t want to lose you again. I thought you died. I would do anything to prevent it from happening again. I want you out of here and living with me where I can protect you,” he wiped his face as he stared at me. He makes me feel bad for wanting to still be in the field. We need to talk about this more before I’m discharged. He stood and left Garcia and me alone again.  
“What else have we done? How many times have I been in the hospital because of work?”  
“Well, you were abducted before the most recent time. He had hallucinations about his abusive father and he shot you up with Dilaudid because he didn’t want you to be in any pain from his abusive father. You were addicted to Dilaudid for months, I’m not really sure how long. You were put in the hospital due to withdrawal, Hotch had made it so you would be addicted to it anymore. You and Hotch were like father and son. You were in the hospital because you were shot. We were in a shootout with a perp and he shot you right under your collarbone closer to your shoulder and you were hospitalized. A nurse was hired to kill you and I had to shoot him. He was going to inject you with carbenicillin. You are deathly allergic to carbenicillin. Most recently, you were abducted and raped. Morgan, once he found you, almost killed Richard. You were then hospitalized and a rape kit was done. When we found Richard he saw you, grabbed a gun, then you and shot you both in the head. You’ve been in a coma since. I think Morgan just wants you to be safe, he already feels like he’s unable to protect you and if you return to work, he knows he won’t be able to protect you. I think he just wants you safe, he’s terrified of you dying. He’s been in mourning for the last six months. I think he still believes that you are dead and he’s in his own mind dealing with his mourning. Work with him and give him time to relax and let him know that you aren’t going to die. You won’t go right back into work after this, you should follow what he wants and once he’s calmed down talk to him about letting you back into work. In the end, you can do what you want, you’re an adult and don’t have to listen to anyone but yourself. But, you both know that you love each other and I think you should assist him in the many ways that he assisted you with all of the stuff you’ve gone through, at least since you’ve been together.”  
She has a point, she was right. Morgan deserved to have me without work and be able to know that I’m here and safe and that I’m not going to leave him. At least not right now.


End file.
